Healing journey 2 years in – how does it look like
Is it just sunshine and rainbows? Is it all dark and cloudy?
Healing takes you on a journey like no other. When on one turn it feels like you are going down, it ends up taking you deeper, makes you realize something you did not see before.
That being said, welcome!
Grab your favourite cup of tea, light a candle, and create a cozy, safe space. Now, let’s dive in.
Healing journey 2 years in… how does it look like?
What it is not:
- All sunshine and rainbows
- All dark and cloudy
- A 3-step process- do this and you will be healed
What it actually looks like:
- Getting familiar with and starting to embody self-love, holding space for all of you
- Self-discovery – digging up old beliefs, old patterns and being able to sit with them, feel them, understand them and heal them
- Building a new / coming back to the real sense of self – what do I like, what do I feel, what do I want, my values, what is my heart and soul longing for
- It takes you deeper in yourself on every turn. Just when you realize you came up with gold it takes you deeper to discover the stars.
How do you feel?
Are you ready to dive in further?
Let’s do it ;). Let’s explore each of these further and I will share with you how this looks like in my journey.
Healing was not quite a decision I made when I now look at it, it was more like the Universe initiated me and turned my mind, thinking, life upside down. It took me on the journey when I most needed it.
Going from anorexic to gaining weight and changing me completely, which was the biggest fear.
First came hate, rage was coming out, pain, hurt. And then one by one came thoughts of self-love, bit by bit I started to view it differently, having compassion towards myself.
Let’s start with self-love. Getting familiar with and starting to embody self-love, holding space for all of you.
At first, I did not know how self-love actually looks like. I thought it was shopping for new outfits, putting on makeup, having that glass of wine after a long day and so on.
What is it really, what has it been mostly for me in these 2 years?
How does it look like in my life currently?
Being able to hold yourself through the pains and contractions of healing, when it feels like such a dark place. Being able to show compassion, support yourself as tears fall down your face, and allowing them to come. To say I love you no matter what. Holding space for all the emotions. Allowing the feelings to move through you so they can be released.
Getting to know how to express your rage, grief, joy, pleasure, and all the others. Showing compassion, supporting, witnessing, celebrating yourself through all of them.
Self-love starts showing up in your voice, in your choices, in how you show up, what you listen to, what you read, etc.
Next -self-discovery – digging up old beliefs, old patterns and being able to sit with them, understand them and heal them.
How much I love this… if you would see my actual journal, you would see how much I love digging them all up. Exploring, discovering, always ready to uncover something new. I am my greatest discovery!
When I was younger, I was always asking “why”. Why did that had to happen, why do I feel this way, why do I think this way. I think that was the beginning of this passion for healing ;).
And now 2 years in I am still doing the same… why do I do this/ that, why does this trigger me and what it is trying to tell me. Allowing the realizations to come in.
Cleansing yourself from what is not the true, real, pure you!
In the year 2023 I felt drawn to one book about attachment styles (you know that feeling when a book speaks to you, and you just cannot leave it on the shelf?). I started reading it and from then on those are the only books I read, about healing, self-discovery, self-love, healthy relationships and so on.
So much can be uncovered when you allow it.
Now I am going with the whispers, if I feel drawn to a book I take it, if I feel draw to an idea I explore it.
And allowing the old to come up, even if it is triggering, let it be witnessed and released (which is not an overnight miracle btw, takes some effort , but a wonderful process)
Building a new / coming back to the real sense of self – what do I like, what do I feel, what do I want, my values, what is my heart and soul longing for.
When I started to cleanse myself from the old (I currently cannot yet find the words that wrap the whole process of this because it is not just a 5-word phrase. For me it was 2 years and it’s still active as ever) there began to rise new thoughts, new feelings, new whispers of what is actually close to my heart, my soul. There started to become more room for what I actually wanted, needed, liked, loved, felt, everything I actually am and am meant to be. Started to attract new people, new mentors , new ideas as well.
When I now think of this and how it felt/feels for me- it feels like this magical little whisper, sometimes more quiet, other times comes screaming.
One example… I was attending an online event, prepared my notebook, pen, everything ready to write down and take notes. But then the 4th speaker comes up and I could not pick up the pen, because I felt like I would miss something she said if I removed my focus. I listened to her speaking, her every word resonated with my heart, I felt it, this was it. So, after her speech I understood that I had to do something, I had to take a step further. I decided to write her an email that ended up including so much of my life story (I had never previously been so courageous, at least this felt like a major leap) … I sent the email. Started following her work on Instagram, I knew I had to be in her spaces. After a couple of months, I started working more closely with her and that was one of the best choices!
And I wanted to give you another example of something more subtle, more of a quiet whisper.
I did not really like candles before, I had them sometimes, but it was not a part of my practice. Now in 2024 that started to change, I felt a little bit more drawn to them. Now they are a part of my daily practice – lighting candles, making my space cozy, safe, lighting them and speaking an intention into them. More of a spiritual practice that just spoke to me.
It takes you deeper in yourself on every turn. Just when you realize you came up with gold it takes you deeper to discover the stars.
The text above says it perfectly. Surrender, allow the transformation to happen, around the next crying on your knees could be a new patch of stars in your galaxy.
If you feel called to something, then let it.
If you feel like something needs to go, then let it.
I am still learning the art of surrender, but I already feel that something magical is around the corner.
As well an important part of this process is celebrating how far you have come!
How do you feel?
What is on your heart?
If you feel called to journal after our time here, then feel free to do so.
Putting on music and feeling yourself dancing , becoming a little bit more free from the outside limitations.
Lighting candles with intentions.
Connecting with an oracle.
Whatever speaks to you.
Till next time,
I will see you soon!
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