I cherish my journey, looking back I see the beauty and looking forward I am amazed
Good morning, afternoon, evening!
Today I found two of my old notebooks. Not really found but saw and wanted to open. In one there were drawings from the past couple of years that I have made, and also it holds letters I have written. And in the other- it is one of many notebooks that include poems.
Today the topic on my heart is cherishing my journey.
Remember I said that this is like my personal journal at times? That you can come into and take what resonates. I am writing my heart on “paper”, as I always love to do.
Do you remember how this goes? A cup of tea, a candle, a blanket. What do you want?
Make your space cozy and let’s begin.
Looking at the past
I see my past in my notebooks, in my songs that I have written, in my poems that had been on my heart, in my drawings, in my pictures. All of them hold a special place in my heart. Some of them hurt, some of them make me smile. Some of them I don’t want to look at, and some of them make me excited.
Whatever it is that the things bring, I am learning to look at it with my most precious eyes. Learning to see that all of it was for a reason.
Today I looked through those two notebooks that I previously mentioned, in the first one I saw the desires I hold so deeply in my heart, things I have been longing for as long as I can remember, what is important to my heart, still is just in a different form. I saw what the girl in the past craved for so deeply. In the second notebook I read the pages, I read the words. She always loved to write. Whatever the outlet over the changing years, she always loved to write. Again, about similar things.
I will include now a couple of lines from my poem that I found today. I believe I wrote it at least 3 to 4 years ago.
***
Write, write
Let the words flow
That is the only way
For you to let the world go
This road feels intense
But in the end you know
It will all make sense
/Ella Renāte Skeranska
Looking at and being in the now
While being in the present and looking at the past it is easier to see why some of the things happened the way they did. But now being in the present it is not quite possible for me to know the whole story of why something happens the way it does, it has required great deal of trust from me and the strong belief that everything I go through, I experience is bringing me closer to where I am meant to be. That it all has a reason for happening.
I have noticed for me that it’s easy to get caught up in the midst of the strong emotion. That is totally normal and now having more knowledge, more tools, different outlets, different language I speak to myself in it is also easier to remind myself that I love me, that I am here for me and that it all makes sense.
I enjoy watching myself grow, I enjoy allowing the change to take place, although oftentimes it really is not easy, the view gets cloudy, the heart gets guarded, it takes effort each and every day to come back to the center and to keep going , keep healing, keep trusting and living.
Looking at the future
Looking at the future brings to me many emotions, many thoughts.
I feel excited, ready, it’s unknown, its mystery. It’s scary a bit, it’s pushing me to be better, it’s teaching me to slow down, to surrender, to allow. It’s teaching me to believe, to have faith.
I have a vision, I have previews. But the full story is only unfolding. Having faith is a big lesson, the present is my learning ground.
So, I cherish my journey.
Yes, not every day is easy. It gets to be human, it gets to be different each day.
Beautiful!
How is your journey going?
From the past to the future.
Have a great day and I will see you later in the future posts!
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